Within the last twenty four hours, three people have independently used Noel Edmonds and “Deal or No Deal” as a metaphor whilst talking to me. Now I’ll admit to enjoying House Party in my youth, but I can’t say I was that miffed when it ended and I sure as hell couldn’t understand how Noel suddenly exploded back onto British TV screens this millennium. I think that either Noel is right in his cosmic beliefs, or he has begun work as a vendor of coolade and people in Sussex are drinking it. I mean, it’s not even watchable is it. All the numpties that come on and say “I’ve got a system”, no you haven’t you moron, you’ve just chosen a RANDOM box which contains a RANDOM amount of money and then you are going to open all the other boxes containing RANDOM amounts.
That’s a whole lot of random.
Then there are the ones that insist on asking total strangers what they should do. Why? Do they normally discuss their financial transactions with complete strangers? Do they ask the local drunk, that hangs around outside the corner shop, whether they should take out a variable or fixed rate mortgage? The best ones though, are the douchebags (great word) that insist on telling you that their odds of winning are improving as the game progresses. No, they are not. They actually stay the same the whole way through the game, since you have to decide which box you want at the beginning, therefore consigning all of the others to being opened. Box swapping aside, all you actually do during the game, is decide how quickly you find out whether you have won or lost (are there really any winners here) and if you are better than the banker at playing chicken.
Bossman, stop watching daytime telly (I don’t care how much you have learned from Phil and Ferne) and finish off aworka! Deal or no deal?