Category Archives: Life

Play like a TWIT

Posted on by
4

Playing as a clan makes FPS games so much more enjoyable. If you play CoD and you like Team Tactical then the chances are that at some point the TWIT clan has kicked your ass. ;)

As the name suggests, Team Tactical is all about playing tactically as a team, if you’re all running around like headless chickens, kill streaking, camping, playing split screen even though you’re just one person or doing jumpy spinny shit with a sniper rifle – just don’t be surprised when we chalk up a win. But hey, if you play us and win because your straight up better, we’ll gladly congratulate you… and then proceed to kick your ass in the next round. ;)

Things you need to know about us:

  • We practice quite a lot, by which I mean we play all the time.
  • We know each other really well – we have skill sets and load outs that complement each other.
  • We all have good quality headsets, Turtle Beaches – if you’re stomping around like an elephant then we will hear you.
  • We communicate constantly whilst we are playing, calling out tactics and enemy locations on the fly – we respond to situations super quick.
  • We don’t play cheap.

That last point is very important to us and really the motivation for this post. We don’t use n00btubes or heartbeat sensors unless we pick them up from fallen enemies, we don’t spawn trap, we don’t corner trap, we don’t glitch, we don’t boost and we don’t camp.

Guarding the flag, bombsite or bomb (think S&D) is not camping, that’s called Protecting The Fucking Objective. Ignoring the objective entirely and sitting in a corner racking up kills whilst the rest of your team valiantly tries to PTFO, that’s camping.

Killstreaking is for people who would camp, but have ADHD, running around the map racking up kills and ignoring the objectives. This is particularly evident in game modes like Kill Confirmed, seriously, the number of times I’ve died and seen people just walk away from a whole mess of tags is staggering.

Boosting and glitching are self explanatory. I was genuinely amazed this weekend that despite how easy if is to watch a game back and to report people and have them banned for 5000 days, we still managed to find ourselves in a game where two idiots boosted to an MOAB. Really guys, you didn’t think that having one of you at 25-0 and the other at 0-25 was going to give the game away!

So come on people, put down your RPGs and come play like men, you’ll probably still lose, but at least we’ll respect you. Unless you’re 12 and whine like a little bitch and threaten to “merk us”, in which case we’ll probably just laugh at you.

I’mma run to the right and then I’m gonna jump and shoot

Posted on by
Reply

I got linked to this video on twitter by Jimmy The Snake*. I think it may be my most favourite video on the internet, even better than the sneezing panda, or anything with boobies in. For real. Not only is it hilarious, but it is bang on the money. I hate those fucking controller screens! As a gamer it makes me want to kick the developer squarely in the nuts, as a software dev it makes me die inside just a little bit.

I love MegaBomberman. I love my MegaDrive. Don’t get me wrong, I love my PS3 and CoD too, but not as much as I love my MegaDrive. MegaBomberman never left me feeling like I’d been screwed, the controls were simple and straight forward, I was never left wondering what to do. HD graphics? Nope. Online multiplayer? Nah. A bazillion different game modes? No again. But I could play that shit all frickin’ day!

I apologise to my colleagues for the ranting monologue I subjected them to after watching this video… but Far Cry 2 is sooooo shit… no, I’m not going there again. Just watch the video.

*Jimmy is responsible for my all time favourite game related quote: “Fuck my K:D, I’m winning this shit”. Check out his youtube channel!

This is Cornwall

Posted on by
Reply

November was a busy month, the highlight of which was attending my bro Wayne’s wedding. The drive down to Cornwall was fun, my bro SMX is hilarious, we talked about some truly random things and solved several of the worlds problems during the 10 hours we spent in the Millennium Falcon. Only problem is we forgot how we solved them because we were distracted by the ridiculous names of the places in Cornwall that we drove past. As fun as the weekend was (carrot cake and Gatorade ftw!), it was also quite scary. New place, new people (everybody was lovely, but new is still scary), new food… and the small task of performing a bible reading at the wedding. I was so proud when Wayne and Em asked me to do it, really chuffed that they trusted me, but scared shitless all the same. I practiced for ages! Day of the wedding and inside the church I was attempting to hide my nerves by joking with SMX, “Imagine if I have to stand behind that massive gold eagle thing! Hahaha!”, a few minutes later I *was* standing behind that massive gold eagle thing. I know I didn’t look up once during the reading, I was just attempting to get the words out, eye contact at that point would have rendered me mute. But hey, I did it and I was pleased with myself. I wish my bro and his beautiful wife eternal happiness. Wayne has the coolest wife ever, she’s letting his bros join them for the end of the honeymoon. Technically, we are her bros now too (haha, I hope she reads that). Still, what could be better than sharing my favourite place in the world with some of my favourite people. The only thing that could make it more perfect would be if my sis Hev was able to come too. I have promised myself that one day we will all ride “It’s a small world” together.

From Joseph to Walrus (A Rose By Any Other)

Posted on by
6

What’s in a name? A rose by any other and all that. Well my real name is Joseph, but nobody ever calls me that unless I’ve done something wrong and even then it’s only my Sister, my Mum or my friend Amy.

So what do people call me?

My family call me JoJo. This is the name I tend to sign on cards and stuff and this is what is stitched onto my custom made AF1s.

People at work tend to call me Jo, you’d be suprised how many people have a problem with calling me JoJo because I’m a grown up. It doesn’t bother me though. What does bother me is people who call me Joe, I don’t care how you cut it, Joe is not short for JoJo or Joseph. Jo-seph, think about it.

Jovis – My cousin Henry and his sister Milly before him were both unable to say Joseph and so they called me Jovis. It stuck.

Jofus – My friend Amy has decided that this is what you call people called Joseph. I have given her a million different nicknames so she can call me what she wants. Lil’ Feet actually inspired this post, so shout out to her.

Giuseppe, or Seppe for short. This one came from my friend Mark at school. Because I reminded him of a fat Italian chef.

Fat Boy/Chunky, also from school, self explanatory.

Walrus – I was given this name by Sarah Sadie Katrina Moore, a student from Utah who joined my school for year 10. She bought me a stuffed Walrus before she went home, I still have it. I think my friends Darren and Jim were Chipmunk and something else, I don’t quite remember. This was the first time I learned that I had a thing for accents and leads nicely on to…

Mr Lover Lover – Use your imagination. I was given this name as a result of a Sadie related rumour which it was easier to go with instead of arguing against. Didn’t do my street cred any harm. ;)

JR – This is old school, literally. My maths teacher used to call me this in year 7. He knew my middle name and also knew my younger brother somehow, he used our middle names to differentiate us (look, a maths joke).

JoHoMoFo – I got this name from Cosmic Badger. It was a result of my me explaining that my Mum had signed all of my Christmas presents “lots of love from MoFo” when she had mistakenly thought that MoFo was a pet name I had given her. At night, Cosmizzle and JoHoMoF roam the streets of Sussex and Kent fighting crime and freeing boobs. Okay, we don’t, but we totally should. Cosmizzle gave me possibly the best piece of advice ever. When I asked how I should approach a girl for her number, “Just don’t call her a twat” – I got her number.

You are free to call me any of the above, but the following names are reserved.

JoBro – My Sister Hev calls me this. No not that sort of Sister, even though we have the same surname (Cosmizzle, I still don’t think Stuart understands this). She is leader of the TWIT clan.

Bro – My bros SMX and Wayne call me this and I call them it.

My clan mates are my best friends in the whole world. They can call me bro. You *points at reader* can’t.

UPDATE: Today Amy christened me Panda. I think it’s going to stick. My fault for quoting Eats, Shoots & Leaves. Coming soon to a TV near you, “The adventures of Panda & Badger!”.

My baby just cares for me

Posted on by
Reply

Whenever we went to my Grandad’s house as children my Sister would always insist that we spent some time watching one of the many videos of recorded music performances my Grandad had. My Grandad loved watching these tapes too and so never really argued. In fact, if we weren’t there he would probably have been watching them anyway, he was always arguing with my Nan when she asked him to turn “the bloody row down” – I guess I got my love of listening to music 24/7 from him. There are lots of songs I remember from these tapes, my Sister’s favourite was Rick Astley… that’s right, I was repeatedly Rick Rolled by my own flesh and blood!?

Years after the last time I saw these tapes, after my Grandad has passed away, we were all talking and I was trying to get everyone to remember one of my favourite songs from the tapes. All I had was a badly hummed tune and a description of the music video: the one with the white plasticine cat walking down the stairs. I was met with blank stares. Then a few months ago, this came on the music channels.

Go hard or go home

Posted on by
Reply

Oh man. What a couple of weeks. Bat. Shit. Crazy.

Last weekend my bro SMX came to stay (sup’ negro!). I learned several things:
1. He mumbles in his sleep.
2. Split screen CoD is harder than it looks.
3. I should have a pass code on my iPhone.
4. The number of hot girls walking past my window increased when he was in my room*.

As much as I missed SMX when he went back, at least he was available online. My other bro Wayne is about to drop off the map for an entire month. That’s like 30 sleeps. I can only imagine how many thousands of trophies he will be uploading to PSN when he gets back online. 79 days until Cornwall, 115 days until Christmas, 131 days until Florida. Bring on the winter! I know it’s kinda sad, but every time I open my wardrobe I look at my hoodies and think it won’t be long until I can wear them again. Yep, it’s sad, but true.

It’s been a tough couple of weeks for various reasons, and yeah, it got me down a bit, but even if I’m not smiling, it doesn’t mean I’m not happy. If I’m struggling to understand something then I might not be smiling, but I’m learning. I live for the thrill of the chase, it’s what I spend all day doing! As I’ve said before, when things get hard you can either give up or go harder and faster. When the music stops playing in my head, then it’s time to worry, but as long as I’m cruising through life to the accompaniment of my own soundtrack then everything is fine. Sometimes the most difficult things can be the most exciting, even if they terrify the shit outta me. Not planes though, they aren’t exciting, just scary. And moomins, they’re some scary shit too!

Haha! Later gators!

* I genuinely thought you were asking the name of the cat and not the girl.

Jedis drink milk #SMXFact

Posted on by
Reply

My last post ended up being almost a Dear Diary kind of deal, but that’s okay with me. I started this blog to chronicle my journey “to infinity and beyond” and that applies just as much to my personal life as it does to my professional one. And no, this post isn’t going to make much sense to most of my readership, but it will to the people that matter.

I don’t think I’ve actually gone to sleep before midnight a single day this week. I know, this is very unusual for me, but I guess when you’re having fun you don’t notice you’re tired. And I am having fun. I don’t enjoy change, but I know that it is necessary for me to push myself to try new things, to do things that make me feel uncomfortable, especially if the prize at the other end is… pretty awesome. Sometimes I want the ground to open up and swallow me, but pushing past that point makes me ROAR!

I was reminded this week just why I am so hard on myself: because it is so easy to settle, to find a neat little rut and stay there forever. I don’t think Obi Wan will ever realise how I grateful I am that he showed me the way of the Force. Thanks dude.

I can’t believe how much I’m missing my bro SMX. It wasn’t until he went away that I realised how much time we spend communicating (bro, we talk every day). Don’t get me wrong, the stand in SMX is doing an amazing job and my other bro has had more evenings off than usual, but it’s not the same. Sup’ Negro! When you get back I want you to FaceTime me immediately so we can shoot the breeze and marvel at the amazing power of milk. :)

Maybe I _am_ mad. ;)

The week that was.

Posted on by
2

Wow what a week. This isn’t a particularly well thought out post, more a collection of thoughts for me to come back to in the future, but you’ll have to forgive me as I haven’t had more than about six hours sleep since Thursday.

So much stuff has happened. Not all of it good, but all of it exciting and new. Yep, that’s right, I’m doing stuff that’s exciting… and new. I’m trying not to mess things up, but as lot of it is new to me, I’m learning as I go along.

I know I can always be 100% honest with my friends without fear of reprisal. Just when I’m expecting to be told to stop being daft, they encourage me to keep finding my way in life. This week they really came through for me when I needed them. They know stuff that I haven’t shared with any other living creature – not even Beaver ;D. My poor iPhone has taken a real beating this week too, but I guess that’s what happens when you refresh your tweets ten times a second. Free advice: a watched phone never bleeps.

I was totally honoured this week to be asked to speak at my friends wedding, I don’t think they even realised how much it meant to me that they would ask and I know they’ll love it when I lay down Corinthians over SMX beat boxing. I’m kidding guys… or am I! 125 days until Cornwall, 161 days until Christmas and 177 days until Florida. I’m super nervous and super excited.

I’ve spent the week with Gold Cobra on repeat (seventy spins in a week) and wearing my red Yankees cap. As my bro so aptly pointed out, I’m stuck in the 90s. Actually said cap has disintegrated so I’ve got to get a new one.

I’ve spent the week being a proper a grown up and a little kid at the same time, but I’ve traveled this emotional roller coaster of a week Bizkit style: headphones, red hat, baggy jeans and middle fingers up.

Random conversations I’ve had this week: the different noises made by bees, birds, flies and fish; New Era ball caps and fitted hat sizing; video hoe therapy; working in a pharmacy and selling people condoms (the secret is not to make eye contact).

Anyway, I leave you with this footage of my bro’s 21st birthday. I’ve missed ya bud. Tuesday night is game night!

#WWWYKI

Post tune: Mann, Buzzin

Greatest of all time

Posted on by
Reply

Okay, this post was inspired by a conversation I had with my friend Chris a really long time ago, that I had again with my bro recently. This is my list of the top 10 MC’s ever, the greatest of all time, or GOAT. Feel free to hit me up in the comments section whether you agree or disagree – like I said, this is just my opinion.

10. T.I. – So many of today’s rappers are releasing weak albums, one good track, probably one good verse and that’s it. Not T.I. His albums are packed full of sick beats and sick lyrics. The King has made mistakes in his life, but he’s man enough to admit them, take his punishment, dust himself off and start over. Articulate, intelligent and charismatic. Managing to make a video *whilst* locked up in jail – hilarious. [Check out: What You Know, Big Shit Poppin', Top Back]

9. KRS One – If you could learn hip hop at university KRS One would be the professor. You won’t see him on MTV and you won’t hear him on the radio. He is true hip hop, for the hardcore fans. He has been very vocal in his disregard for video rappers, but not outspoken, he has earned the right to call out whoever he wants. Yeah Nelly, this means you. Nelly might sell a million times more albums than KRS, but KRS is on a totally different level. [Check out: MC's Act Like They Don't Know, Sound of Da Police, Step Into a World]

8. Tupac – I don’t think we’ll ever know who killed ‘pac, or why, but he was taken too early. He was the epitome of mid 90′s gangsta’ rap, but he was real, he wasn’t a pretend thug, he really was one. I’m not saying this is a good thing to aspire to be, I’m just highlighting that he wasn’t faking just to sell records, he was telling the story that he lived.  [Check out: 2 of Amerikaz Most Wanted, Hit Em Up]

7. Snoop Dogg – The gangsta’ your Mum likes C-walks his way into the top 10. Gang affiliations aside, he is possibly the coolest man on the planet as characterised by his unique laid back flow.  [Check out: Who Am I?, Gin & Juice, Drop It Like It's Hot]

6. Big Punisher – If he hadn’t died so young I’m pretty sure he would be at number one, he really was *that* good. He had a flow that was both relentless and devastating. [Check out: Dream Shatterer, Capital Punishment]

5. Notorious B.I.G – Big Poppa had the smoothest flow of any emcee and his effortless style made rapping seem easy. If he hadn’t died so young, he would likely have been higher on this list. [Check out: Hypnotize]

4. LL Cool J – The self proclaimed GOAT has been going platinum since 1985. When most rappers were putting out cookie cutter gangsta’ rap records, LL stayed true to his style, choosing music over easy money and fame. Just because he wasn’t copying the gangsta’ rap routine doesn’t mean he wasn’t going hard and bodying emcees at will: Kool Moe Dee, Ice-T, MC Hammer, Canibus, LL put them all away. Plus, he’s a rapper who can actually act!? [Check out: Mama Said Knock You Out, I'm Bad]

3. Jay-Z – The hardest working man in hip hop, he built a dynasty up from nothing and earned the respect of everyone in the game, including Nas. Did Jigga change up his style and end up sounding more like Nas? Yep. Has he jacked lines from other rappers? Yep. Does he need to jack lines from other rappers? Nope. He may have been bested by Nas in their early 2000′s beef, but he took it close and he does it better that 99% of the other rappers out there. That beef was one of raps high points for me, they brought out the best in each other and made some of the best records ever. His beat selection is impeccable. [Check out: 99 Problems, The Take Over, Big Pimpin']

2. Nas – Queensbridge’s finest is often imitated but never duplicated. Yeah Jay-Z that means you. Powerful themes, powerful words. King of the beef. I think he’s a poet and a genius. He has mastered his craft to the level where he spit a rhyme backwards?! [Checkout: Ether, Got Ur Self A, Nastradamus]

1. Method Man – The most under rated, overlooked guy to have ever picked up a mic. Quite simply the dirtiest, grimiest emcee in history. Whether it’s his work as part of Wu-Tang, his solo successes or his collaborations with Redman, he has shown himself to be one of the dopest, realest, lyrically on it rappers ever. I’m guessing my choice might be controversial as Meth rarely makes most people’s top 10, but this is my list and when I stopped and looked at all of the areas where I was scoring rappers I realised that he was the only guy to appear in the top 5 across the board. [Check out: M.E.T.H.O.D Man, Da Rockwilder, Bring The Pain]

Post tune: T.I., What you know, King.