Archive for December, 2011

Play like a TWIT

Monday, December 19th, 2011

Playing as a clan makes FPS games so much more enjoyable. If you play CoD and you like Team Tactical then the chances are that at some point the TWIT clan has kicked your ass. ;)

As the name suggests, Team Tactical is all about playing tactically as a team, if you’re all running around like headless chickens, kill streaking, camping, playing split screen even though you’re just one person or doing jumpy spinny shit with a sniper rifle – just don’t be surprised when we chalk up a win. But hey, if you play us and win because your straight up better, we’ll gladly congratulate you… and then proceed to kick your ass in the next round. ;)

Things you need to know about us:

  • We practice quite a lot, by which I mean we play all the time.
  • We know each other really well – we have skill sets and load outs that complement each other.
  • We all have good quality headsets, Turtle Beaches – if you’re stomping around like an elephant then we will hear you.
  • We communicate constantly whilst we are playing, calling out tactics and enemy locations on the fly – we respond to situations super quick.
  • We don’t play cheap.

That last point is very important to us and really the motivation for this post. We don’t use n00btubes or heartbeat sensors unless we pick them up from fallen enemies, we don’t spawn trap, we don’t corner trap, we don’t glitch, we don’t boost and we don’t camp.

Guarding the flag, bombsite or bomb (think S&D) is not camping, that’s called Protecting The Fucking Objective. Ignoring the objective entirely and sitting in a corner racking up kills whilst the rest of your team valiantly tries to PTFO, that’s camping.

Killstreaking is for people who would camp, but have ADHD, running around the map racking up kills and ignoring the objectives. This is particularly evident in game modes like Kill Confirmed, seriously, the number of times I’ve died and seen people just walk away from a whole mess of tags is staggering.

Boosting and glitching are self explanatory. I was genuinely amazed this weekend that despite how easy if is to watch a game back and to report people and have them banned for 5000 days, we still managed to find ourselves in a game where two idiots boosted to an MOAB. Really guys, you didn’t think that having one of you at 25-0 and the other at 0-25 was going to give the game away!

So come on people, put down your RPGs and come play like men, you’ll probably still lose, but at least we’ll respect you. Unless you’re 12 and whine like a little bitch and threaten to “merk us”, in which case we’ll probably just laugh at you.

I’mma run to the right and then I’m gonna jump and shoot

Saturday, December 17th, 2011

I got linked to this video on twitter by Jimmy The Snake*. I think it may be my most favourite video on the internet, even better than the sneezing panda, or anything with boobies in. For real. Not only is it hilarious, but it is bang on the money. I hate those fucking controller screens! As a gamer it makes me want to kick the developer squarely in the nuts, as a software dev it makes me die inside just a little bit.

I love MegaBomberman. I love my MegaDrive. Don’t get me wrong, I love my PS3 and CoD too, but not as much as I love my MegaDrive. MegaBomberman never left me feeling like I’d been screwed, the controls were simple and straight forward, I was never left wondering what to do. HD graphics? Nope. Online multiplayer? Nah. A bazillion different game modes? No again. But I could play that shit all frickin’ day!

I apologise to my colleagues for the ranting monologue I subjected them to after watching this video… but Far Cry 2 is sooooo shit… no, I’m not going there again. Just watch the video.

*Jimmy is responsible for my all time favourite game related quote: “Fuck my K:D, I’m winning this shit”. Check out his youtube channel!

This is Cornwall

Friday, December 2nd, 2011

November was a busy month, the highlight of which was attending my bro Wayne’s wedding. The drive down to Cornwall was fun, my bro SMX is hilarious, we talked about some truly random things and solved several of the worlds problems during the 10 hours we spent in the Millennium Falcon. Only problem is we forgot how we solved them because we were distracted by the ridiculous names of the places in Cornwall that we drove past. As fun as the weekend was (carrot cake and Gatorade ftw!), it was also quite scary. New place, new people (everybody was lovely, but new is still scary), new food… and the small task of performing a bible reading at the wedding. I was so proud when Wayne and Em asked me to do it, really chuffed that they trusted me, but scared shitless all the same. I practiced for ages! Day of the wedding and inside the church I was attempting to hide my nerves by joking with SMX, “Imagine if I have to stand behind that massive gold eagle thing! Hahaha!”, a few minutes later I *was* standing behind that massive gold eagle thing. I know I didn’t look up once during the reading, I was just attempting to get the words out, eye contact at that point would have rendered me mute. But hey, I did it and I was pleased with myself. I wish my bro and his beautiful wife eternal happiness. Wayne has the coolest wife ever, she’s letting his bros join them for the end of the honeymoon. Technically, we are her bros now too (haha, I hope she reads that). Still, what could be better than sharing my favourite place in the world with some of my favourite people. The only thing that could make it more perfect would be if my sis Hev was able to come too. I have promised myself that one day we will all ride “It’s a small world” together.