Pee in this cup and then I’m going to spit it

Disclaimer: Before you get all excited/upset, this post has nothing to do with any girls/cups.

I’ve just got back from St Pancras where I was attending a Spie Matthew Hall induction to renew my security clearance. It’s just like getting inducted into the Hollywood Walk of Fame, except instead of a star, you get breathalyzed and drug tested (I know very Hollywood).

Anyway, getting up at a stupid hour to travel to London just to have some bloke watch me pee in a cup was well worth it. Why? Because as I have blogged previously, these things tend to be unintentionally funny, for example, the process of testing the urine is called “spitting” and so they say to you “You pee in this cup and then I’m going to spit it.” (OK buddy, I’m not judging you, what you get up to in your spare time is up to you!). I also got to look at some pictures that show what happens when you don’t wear the correct PPE, most of these pictures were stupid shots of numpties with dermatitis/burns/cuts, but it was the one which nobody could quite make out that was brilliant. “Guys, that is a picture of a man who didn’t wear gloves when working and the white bit here is the bone of his finger, the fat pink bit is where his finger flesh has been rolled up and this bulge here (points to metallic object stuck in the bottom of rolled up finger flesh) is his wedding ring, which got caught on some machinery and caused the removal of afore mentioned flesh from bone. Nice.

My absolute favorite bit though, was the warning about hand/arm vibration, apparently, when men are working away from home they quite often become victim to the effects of hand/arm vibration. I was waiting for the announcement that loss of sight was one of the symptoms, when someone asked what caused hand/arm vibration. The answer? “It’s caused by to much gripping of your equipment.”.
Priceless.

3 thoughts on “Pee in this cup and then I’m going to spit it

  1. Did he actually watch you pee in the cup? I don’t think I would have been able to do that: I’m pee shy as it is.

    What is the correct PPE for computer programming? I wear thick chemical gloves, but perhaps I should don goggles too?

  2. I didn’t have to drop my keks to my ankles and put on a show, if that’s what you mean, but I was escorted to a toilet cubicle and he did stand behind me whilst I relieved myself. And believe me a relief it was, I hadn’t been since 5AM (to preserve my stocks) and it was 11.30AM.

    Seriously though, everyone knows that you go to work in your bedroom wear. We thought that just meant dressing gown and PJs, but if chemical gloves and goggles get you going, then who are we to judge!

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