Monthly Archives: December 2007

Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker!

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Just finished watching Die Hard 4.0 (“Live Free or Die Hard” for North American readers). It’s left me with more testosterone than I know what to do with, assholes. Sorry, I promise I’ll stop now. One observation though, when all of the computers in the U.S. were going down like a brick on Jupiter, it was a Mac, or rather Mac (Justin Long), that saved the day. Coincidence, I think not!

Now onto the meat of the blog (no more turkey sandwiches please). Got a good collection of stuff this christmas (although obviously Christmas is about giving and donkeys and…), in no particular order and in no way exhaustive:

  • Toilet roll sudoku;
  • Finger drums;
  • Colour changing alarm clock;
  • OS X Leopard;
  • Sat-Nav;
  • Curtis (gi-gi-gu…g-unit);
  • Biography of Duane Chapman.

Who is Duane Chapman? Duane is one of my heroes. Duane was abused as a child, got into drugs, joined a biker gang, was jailed for murder-one (he didn’t do it), has spawned several offspring – whom have been unfairly taken from him on more than one occasion, has had several wives…he is…Dog the Bounty Hunter!* If there has ever been an example of a man with an excuse for flipping the bird to the world, it is him. He is the first to admit he has made mistakes, but he has never given up. His story, or at least the first half as that is all I have read, is simply amazing. You may well know that I am not exactly God fearing, but Dog is, and if I was him then I might be too! I don’t agree with all of the choices that he has made in his life, but his never say die attitude and desire to serve fellow human beings ensures that he is still one of my heroes. In Dog we trust!

Here is a list of some of my other heroes. If anyone is interested, then I might elaborate on why they sit alongside the Dog.

  • Vincent Kennedy McMahon;
  • Willard Smith III;
  • Paul Teutul Senior;
  • Public Enemy;
  • Pink;
  • George Brown (my great grandad);
  • Matthew Charles Sanders (M. Shadows of A7X);
  • Shami Chakrabarti;

*Nige stop laughing.

Life sucks and then you die.

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As a realist (halfway between an optimist and a pessimist), I don’t really know how I feel about that statement. Actually, scratch that, I know exactly how I feel, I couldn’t give a monkeys.

Life is a lesson that you learn when you’re through (thanks Mr Durst). Whatever you believe in (a god, destiny, science, etc), the indisputable fact is that things, stuff, will be hurled at you and you have two choices:

  1. Give in.
  2. Go harder and faster.

I am incapable of selecting option number one, it is my biggest strength and my biggest weakness. If you stop to look at my heroes, a motley crew of fictional characters and real people, you will see that they all exhibit this same trait. I’m not really sure what I’m getting at, although I can tell you that it was precipitated by my Grandad’s health taking a turn for the worse (he has lost the use of his legs).

So when I put on my site “My Life, My Rules:Unashamedly me since 1984″, it isn’t arrogance, merely an admittance that I cannot change for anybody, and I cannot give up. Ever.

Eclecticism is a virtue.

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This week has seen me experience a whole range of emotions, I just thought I would share them with you.

Made me laugh: The advert for the season finale of CSI:Miami on five. Several clips of the trademark Horatio sound bite/sunglasses combo followed by the words “We know how it will start, but how will it end”. Genius.

Got me out of my seat: This week was the RAW anniversary, celebrated  by a three hour special episode which was full of humor, great wrestling, and culminated in a beautifully orchestrated return for the Texas Rattle Snake. As Mr McMahon lay reeling on the mat post Mandible Claw and Chokeslam I think everybody was waiting to hear that glass shatter! Man I love Stone Cold!

Made me angry: The news reader from the BBC that decided to finish the news with the story of some cats that had been implanted with a jellyfish gene as part of some research into human genetic diseases, the result being that these cats now glowed red under a UV light. The news reader found this highly amusing, despite the fact that the cats did not consent to this procedure. Douche bag on wheels!

Made me sad: My Grandad had another fall this week. A trip to A&E ensued and for a while they thought he had broken his shoulder. Luckily he had only removed the skin from his arm, although he was quite shaken and my Dad had to stay with him that night.

Made me swear: Quite a few things actually – I curbed my alloys; a bus pulled out in front of me on the A27 and nearly took me out; Man United’s performance in the Champions League – I really wanted to join the group of teams that had gained maximum points; chalk up a plethora of expletives to debugging the afore mentioned code; Hazel Blears MP – did you see her on Question Time, sweet Jesus (more on him later) that woman is deluded.

Left me speechless: A documentary on a guy who believed that God had told him that he was the messiah and that the world would end some time in October 2007. He had managed to convince a group of other people that he was legit and they had begun to worship him. I just liked the fact that the documentary makers were clearly skeptical and considered the man to be some sort of nutter, but were willing to accept the rest of the bible as…well, gospel. Religious people crack me up!

Day One: The Software Quadrangle

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Day one is over!

BAD NEWS: It turns out that I wasn’t the only person starting at ASL today and unfortunately our computers got mixed up.

GOOD NEWS: I got to upgrade to a faster machine, running XP SP2 (which I quickly skinned in Silver), and Linux (which I quickly skinned like OSX).

I am being dropped in at the deep end as far as the actual work is concerned, however, I have two people treading metaphorical water with me in the shape of Andy and Vince (both members of the quadrangle).

I am experiencing a whole host of emotions at the moment: excitement and anxiety spring to mind. I guess as long as I never have to experience the boredom/frustration caused by spending every day polishing the same bits of the same turd, whilst simultaneously fighting feelings of guilt associated with being a Turd Polisher, then I am doing well. I know that am I young and have yet to experience a lot of the fruit (poison and otherwise) of a software developing life, but I am not ready to surrender my innocence – I’m not sure I ever will be.

Might be going “on site” in the next couple of weeks, already been reminded to dress smart – I think they thought I would turn up in a hoody. Actually, I probably would have done. Going to keep the more extreme elements of my hoody collection at home I think. They don’t seem ready for a hoody covered in skulls!